Lately writing has been a way for me to express how I have been feeling although apparently it does not translate, just like when I tell people about them.
My journal has recently been full of the bad things that just keep happening, I swear its more than one human should have to deal with. Do you ever get the feeling that bad things just will not stop happening? I don’t want the tone of this post to be negative but it is a possibility that’s how it will turn out.
If you know me personally you will know that I have had some rather big events happen recently that are not good. On top of that all these small things have been just dragging me down. Have you ever been to the point where you can’t do simple things without messing them up? Like making macaroni and cheese, in the microwave and it taking 2 hours? Like pushing the wrong button online and accidentally paying for something with the wrong card?
I have been at this point where I can’t do simple tasks for months now but it has worsened in the last 3 days to one blonde move a day! Safe to say I no longer have the mental capacity to deal with anything stupid anyone might say. This also means I have no time for people that don’t listen and don’t understand the difficult time I am having in life at the moment.
People will always try to tell you what you can handle, for example when you are reaching your breaking point and you say “I can’t handle this” people will try to tell you that you have to, and that its fine you can handle it. These are statements that people say to make you feel better, please know that it is perfectly ok if you can’t handle it. No one can tell you what you can handle.
Another difficulty I have is anger toward anyone that can tell me “don’t worry, it’s going to get better” when they don’t know that. Sometimes people just need to be down, considering all the time I be positive, the last thing I need to hear is to “just be positive”. I do “be positive” when what is happening around me is positive, I will get there again but right now I cannot be positive.
One more thing that is important to know, you don’t have to do things alone. You could do it alone but you don’t have to. If you do have to, find better humans.
The only time I have no time for people in the current state I am in is when they no longer try to be happier, to get better, whatever messed up phrase you use for trying. Please for me, never stop trying. Make no mistake I am trying so hard, everyday.
I pride myself on being there for my friends yet that ability evades me at present also. To be perfectly fair if more people returned this sentiment I might not be struggling so much right now.
Something interesting to pay attention to, when your body tells you something you should listen. Another thing people will always try to tell you is what to do with your own body. Recently I have had a doctor prescribe me medication that makes me sick, they thought as it has been a few years my body would just decide to be ok with this medication now. I’m telling you to listen to your body because this doctor was oh so wrong. I didn’t have the greatest faith in doctors before, I now wonder if I should take aboard their opinion. Be smart enough to recognise the difference between your body giving you a sign in comparison to you just being a picky pain in the ass.
Some things I do when I can’t deal with people or what they are saying is I spend time with my animals, which if you follow me on social media you will see ducks, dogs and chickens frequently. Another thing I have been doing lately is listening to my favourite bands podcasts, called Hawthorne Heights explains it all. Most of the time they talk about tour stories, the background of their songs and whats coming up for them as a band cause you know, it is supposed to be about that. Sometimes though they have little hidden gems which is just feel good, advice for anyone or just jokes about recent news. Its always nice to know what makes you feel good!
This particular episode they have great advice about not letting people bring you down, doing things alone (52 mins in) and the goodness of humans (1 hour 23mins in). http://hawthorneheights.podbean.com/e/hheia-episode-19-live-from-boise-idthe-wreck/